Just how much I'm loved

When I think about my life, I immediately reflect on the many high and low points that have occurred over the course of the past 25 years. BUT, my perspective on the challenging low points that have happened has dramatically changed over the last eight months.
God has changed my very being by opening up my heart and, more importantly my eyes, to feeling the things that break his heart every day and seeing the world from a different view. My world has completely collapsed, caved in so to speak. Have you ever reached that point where controling your own life just becomes too big to manage? You are overwhelmed with stress and the pressures of being successful in our fast pace society.

I was there. Three years ago. I will never forget my breaking point. Everything I had wanted for my life had failed me. Gymnastics had come crumbling down in a very emotional and stressful way, causing me to doubt even my own identity. My romantic relationship had completed crashed, and I wanted to escape my own life. I knew there had to be more to my life. I knew I wasn't fulfilling God's calling for my life. Our culture and Satan stole me from dreaming God dreams. I had turned into my worst enemy. I had allowed my pain and anger to take over my life. Satan had fed me lie after lie, filling me with anger, hatred, pain, self-doubt, and negativity. I was done. I had HAD IT. I needed out, and all I could think of  was to pray and to rid my life of all the negative. I would like to say it was easy and it happened overnight. I'd also be completely lying. Over the course of the year following me falling to my knees and asking God to show me the right way, I slowly began to tear down the walls, repair all the damage that people and circumstances had caused, and to give my life completely over to God.

Words can not express the gratitude I have for Jesus and for how He stepped in and worked every last detail out. The things I used to stress about (money, job security, getting married) have diminished, and the pain that used to consume me has been replaced with true happiness and everlasting joy that only can come from Jesus.

Eight months ago, I finally listened to God's calling on my life to give more of myself to Him, by going and blessing others in another country. My life has never seemed more fulfilling. No gymnastics award or school success has ever amounted to the sense of REAL accomplishment I have experienced in Nicaragua and South Africa. I realize TRULY how much God has blessed me with, how I am not lacking or hurting for anything, and that He has never left my side and has a successful life in store for me. The word success has even changed. Success is not meaused by how much money I make, what kind of house I live in, or what kind of car I drive. Success is measured by how many people's lives I can change by showing them God's love. Success is being a God girl; one that loves and follows Him wherever He takes me. I am learning to be intentional about everything that I do, making the moments count, and looking for areas to serve others in.

I still struggle, in so many ways. My life has actually gotten harder, putting forth much effort into listening to God and trying to live for Him with every aspect of my life. My heart is still broken, but broken for different reasons. God gave me a new heart, but my new one is in two other countries. My heart is with my little boys, Moises and Obed. A piece is with NRN and Horizon International. A piece is with my hurting, lost country here. I constantly have to remind myself that I can not fix everything in this world, but I can start with one person at a time.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about the people and children I love in Nicaragua and South Africa. I can't escape the passion that fills me, the Holy Spirit. The worldly things I used to crave are gone and I crave God moments. I crave feeling His Presence, His hand, His touch, guiding me down the correct path.
This weekend has never seemed more real to me. Jesus is in fact alive and well. I have seen him. I have seen him in the people and children of Nicaragua and South Africa. I see Him in their smiles, and I see them in their broken hearts. I saw Jesus yesterday in a dish washer at Paradise cafe. He is here, I feel Him, and I long to stay close and connected to Him. My life has forever changed because of Him and how He gave His life for me. I only hope to make him proud, a proud daughter of His God girl.

Love you guys. Have a blessed Easter. Please stop and remember how much you really are LOVED.

Meghann

Finally seeing Moises, my beautiful boy! :)

March 6^th- 7^th TAV and La Concha

God keeps blessing me day in and day out. Today we got to go to Belcer’s school, TAV. Can I say that Belcer’s has a piece of my heart. I was so excited for today and to see my little boy Moises. I was worried that he wouldn’t remember me though, even though I saw him last July.

Belcer’s school is in one of the worst areas you can think of. The school is located just inside one of the largest markets in Nicarauga. When we arrived at the school, Aaron instructed us to get every single thing of the van in one trip. We got to hold our interviews in a bigger room on the 2^nd floor of the school. We also got to see the new 3^rd floor of the school. PRAISE GOD. I couldn’t believe my eyes. There was a breeze too! New dry wall and windows were everywhere. The old 3^rd floor was an area where every single student dreaded having class at. Now, every student wants to be in one of the classrooms upstairs. It was beautiful and we all were so excited to be the first team to see the beautiful new 3^rd floor.

We made it in time for recess. We got to make our appearance at recess, and it was such a wonderful moment to walk down the stairs to see so many kids excited to see us, full of smiles from ear to ear. As I followed Hannah down the stairs, I scanned the many students for Moises. He saw Hannah and threw his arms around her. Hannah asked him to look who was standing behind her. Moises missed his entire recess because his arms were wrapped around my waist. It was the sweetest thing I have ever been a part of. He was so excited to see me, and I was so happy he remembered me.

All the kids at Belcer’s were so loving. They live in such desperate situations and “gringos” aren’t seen very often in their school. When we come, it is a very big deal to them. Aaron and I were partnered up again for the interviews. We got all the students to laugh and s mile and really open up. One special part of today was getting to interview all my friends sponsored kids back at Northview and give them special gifts. It was so neat to say that I was friend’s with their sponsors and to hand deliver their gifts from my friends back at home. The kids were so excited to get their gifts, letters, and pictures. Thank you Bob and Terri, Ed and Beth, and Tom and Jodey for trusting me with your gifts and allowing me to represent all of you. Your kids are truly amazing, and it was such an honor to meet all of them.

I also got to see my parent’s two kids, Osmara and Jeremiahs. They have both grown up so much since last July. I loved seeing them and telling them how much my family wished to be there. Moises of course was a huge blessing today too. Broke my heart when I saw him because he had a huge cut on his face. I asked Juan Carlos what I needed to get for him medicine wise and he told me because of me sponsoring him he was already being treated by Dr. Karla. What a blessing that was to hear that because of my funds I was paying already I was able to help Moises out in that way.

We got to meet with the administrators of the school and pray with them about the needs and difficulties the school was presenting. They told us how many kids were being abused and we needed to pray for their home lives. It was a very emotional meeting to say the least.

One great moment of the day was getting to meet a handful of seniors at the school and hearing their plans of going to college the next year. They were so beautiful, polite, and respectful. It was such a joy to hear about their dreams and goals, and to hear how much passion they have. We had a such a wonderful time getting to know them, and it was wonderful to pray over them and their futures. God keeps blessing me with amazing days. There is so much love here. My heart is bursting at the seams.

Thursday

La Concha is the definition of beauty. The scenery is breath taking. We worked very hard today and interviewed over 140 kids. I worked alongside of Ramero today. It was nice getting to know him and by the end of the day I was pretty much doing the whole interview in Spanish by myself! He helped me with my Spanish a lot today! I was very excited.

One boy that really stood out to me was an older high school student that told me he had the flu. He was so polite that he was holding a handkerchief over his mouth so he wouldn’t get me sick. I noticed that his birthday was just a very days before. I asked him how his birthday went and he told me nobody remembered it. Not one family member or friend had told him happy birthday. It broke my heart. Right then and there I decided to go to the front of the room with this beautiful boy and I made an announcement for everybody to stop what they were doing and sing Happy birthday to him.

I even made him a birthday card before he left. He told Ramero that he was very happy that we had sang to him and that I had made him a birthday card. I was glad that I could make the boy smile and I hope I made a lasting memory for him,

We got to meet with the pastor and his wife, and the administrators of the school. Franklin, who has worked a long time with NRN, and was sponsored through NRN, is now working at the school. We got to hear a bit of his story, which was very amazing to hear. After the day, we went to a beautiful look out up on the side of the mountain. What an amazing God gave us today. Praise God.

another amazing day

Tuesday March 5^th, 2013

Today God gave us another beautiful day in Nicaragua. God, thank you for this opportunity you have given me to help out your Heavenly Kingdom.

We ventured out to Los Brasillos, Joshua 1:8 schools to do many sponsored and unsponsored interviews. I was excited because I have not been to this particular school before. It was def a more rural school than Ray Solomon’s or Belcer’s schools in town, close to the dangerous market.

The kids we saw today were incredible; so overwhelmed and filled with joy, and beyond excited to see what we had planned for them. One of the girls that stuck out to me was a little girl named Sarah. She told me she loved to sing during the time I had with her, and she sand me a song about the sun, the moon, and the stars. I made sure to record it so I could replay the moment. During the time I shared with her, I asked God to bless her with a perfect sponsor.

We saw a huge group of preschoolers today too. Talk about the most adorable little things you have ever seen. We decided to play games with them on the floor and ask questions while we were playing to break the ice. The smaller children aren’t as outgoing and they have been a bit shy to interact with us. The kids had a blast putting puzzles together and playing the games on the ground that we brought with us. One little boy was very scared and cried the entire time he was around us.

Today I began to ask myself a simple question as I was with my amazing team and incredible kids. What is standing in the way of me serving God and building up his Heavenly Kingdom?

What would I give up for God? Would I give up my apartment? Do I make big sacrifices for God? Do I make excuses for why I can’t go to church, why I can’t go on a mission trip for a long period of time? It is a lot to think about and it surely is a lot to take in at times. I believe I am exactly where I am meant to be for the first time in my 25 years of life. God has truly opened up so many doors since I decided I was going to follow him wherever he led me.

As I sit in the church patio, listening to the birds chirp, distant cars honking, kids laughing from the school yard, I realize and feel how truly blessed I am to be here. God, I fall in love with you more and more every day. You are so amazing, and I thank you for bringing me here to this moment. Help me remember this moment, to stop and take time to see your beautiful hand at work all around me.

I had a beautiful conversation with Aaron today, and I couldn’t have had a better day working along side of him, interviewing each kid and really getting to know each and every one of them today. I thank God for our blossoming friendship, our honesty and trust we can share with one another as fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

We got back from the school and had an amazing dinner tonight. As a team, we pulled our money together to make food bags for each child we sponsor and to help their families. We mad 24 bags total. A few of us with Aaron’s help went to the mall to find more backpacks, buy shoes for some of the kids we saw today that had worn theirs out, and to the grocery to buy all the food for the bags.

 

Monday March 3- Ray Solomon

HOLA FRIENDS! I am happy and sad to say I am back state side and into the full swing of things; back to work and back to my regular routine.
What an amazing, incredible life changing week I was just a part of. The team tackled SO much during the short week, but I didn't have any down time EVER to post online each day's events. I will be posting each days events as the week progressed. Thank you for all your prayers. Our team felt them and were wrapped up in God's love and protection throughout the whole course of our journey. I am so thankful to God for hand picking me to be a part of this unbelievable experience, and I can't wait to share my journey in words with you all. Love you dearly friends.

Monday March 3, 2013

Today was such an amazing God filled day. I can't express how wonderful and right it feels to be back in Nicaragua. God even gave us the gift of cooler weather AND a breeze. I can't hardly believe it. The word that best describes how I feel right now is "home." The team is interviewing students at Pastor Oscar's school, Ray Solomon. This school was where I ate lunch and went to visit every day on my last trip to Nicaragua. The home that I built last summer was only a few blocks from this school. Walking in and among the students today at Ray Solomon was so touching, so familiar. I loved seeing faces that I recognized. Familiar faces and smiles warmed my heart today as I walked into the school for the first time. Waves and friendly "holas" were exchanged and my heart was filled with a joy that I know can only come from Jesus.
Everything about this place feels like home. What do you think of when you think of the word home? Warmth... comfort... peace.. safety... family.. There are a few words that instantly come to my mind. All of these things I felt today, ALL DAY long.
The day was filled with interviews and getting the hang of working as team to conduct the interviews. As most of you might know, I am proud to say I went to Nicaragua this trip on a leadership team strictly focused on helping NRN with their sponsorship program. Our task was to see as many unsponsored and sponsored Northview students as possible, but to do it in a way that made each student feel loved and special. Many people state side made huge donations of toys, art supplies, tooth brushes, tooth paste, soaps, and backpacks for us to give each student at the end of the interview process. Sunday night the team put together these boy and girl goodie bags for each primary student and the backpacks with notebooks and pens for the secondary students. We wanted to make each student feel special and loved by receiving a little gift at the end of each interview.
I loved getting to talk to all the students that came into the room. Each student had to sit down, talk to us while we filled out an information sheet on their likes, family life, and personal questions to better understand who they were. Primary students made a sticker/colored art project for a potential sponsor or sponsor, while the secondary students wrote a postcard to their sponsor. Once all this was completed, the student was instructed to go see Kathy, who took their picture so we had a face with a name and information sheet.
This first day was a bit overwhelming, as we didn't know the best way to tackle the situation, but we had the least amount of kids to see, because Ray Solomon has the most kids sponsored out of all 4 schools we are involved heavily in. I was an interviewer all of the trip, getting to ask questions and sit personally with a student and translator. It was so wonderful to sit with the students, hear their laughs, and to see their excitement. All of the children were so beautiful and full of life.
After the interviews, we sat in and introdcued ourselves to the administrators of the school. They shared with us their heavy hearts, difficulties of the last year, a teacher with cancer, and the death of a special needs child this year. They told us their need for new textbooks, more fans, pre school chairs, and the many prayers they needs as well. The team got very emotional during this conversation in the administration office. It was such a blessing that they felt comfortable and trusting enough of our team to open up their hearts and share the schools burdens with us. We prayed together in a circle holding hands and headed back to La Quinta.
I have never had the opportunity to stay at La Quinta by myself. Our team is the only team here for the week and it is so peaceful and wonderful. The weather is beautiful and I couldn't ask for anything more. I was so blessed with reconnecting with my translators, who are now my great friends, Juan Carlos and Aaaron. It was so wonderful to give them great big hugs today, and I can't wait to work along side of them and spend the week together.
The team got organized and ready for tomorrows interviews. We plan on seeing 56 high schoolers and 40 primary students at Los Brasillas, Joshue 1.8 school.
As I look back on the day, one of my key moments I do not want to forget is the feeling I had while standing in the hallway, watching the kids play in the court yard, feeling the breeze, reading the sign With God All Things Are Possible. As I stood there, I felt God. I felt Him reassuring me that I was exactly where I needed to be. As if that wasn't enough of a blessing, I see a familiar face playing in the courtyard. It was Walter from last summer. I build the house for him and his family, who happens to be Aaron's family. Praise God for that moment, and all the other amazing moments of the day.

The Next Chapter

In 8 short months God has completely turned my life upside down. As most of you know last summer I was blessed with the opportunity to go to Nicaragua with my family and church. My heart was broken for the things that break Gods heart everyday. I returned home with a new love for Jesus in a different way than I had ever experienced before. My heart was on fire to continue to be led wherever God wanted me to go and found myself going to Africa with a team of people I didn't even know. I was tested and dealt with many spiritual battles leading up to my trip, but again God blessed me with an amazing team, that I now call my family, and the amazing opportunity of going and working with AIDS orphans in south Africa.
I can't even begin to explain with words what God has shown me through both of these experiences, the friendships Hes made possible, and giving 2 more places that I call home. I can't say it enough, but God really has turned a beautiful mess into a fulfilling life that I am so unworthy to have. I now know how much Jesus truly loves me. When I gave up on Him and failed Him Time and time again over the years he never gave up on me. He used people to plant seeds in me, and answered prayers from not only my family but many close friends.
For the first time in my 25 years of life I know I am exactly where I am suppose to be. It's not just with certain areas of my life either. I used to think I was living out Gods will and I claimed to be a "good" Christian. I finally was able to give all control over to God and give Him every single part of me. I have learned over the last 2 years how to be in a relationship with God and God has produced so many blessings from my faithfulness.
I am happy and blessed to say as I type this post I am sitting in the Indianapolis airport waiting to board my flight to Nicaragua on a leadership team for Nicaragua REsource Network. I have had so many generous donations for goodies to give the kiddos I will be working with all week, and my heart is bursting at the seams! I am working with the most amazing group of people; people who love God and want to show Him to others by loving on them, people who I will call my family by the end of the week, people I will be sharing my heart, sweat, and tears with over the course of the next few days, people I truly thank God for bringing into my life. Today I was so blessed by my amazing church family, pastor Dave, family, and friends for praying over me and this incredible team.
God never ceases to amaze me. I look at my life a few years ago, and I see a broken, hurting girl who searched for happiness and success in all the wrong places. I look at my life now, and I see a smiling, girl after Gods own heart; a girl made new because of  Jesus.
Ahhh, God thank you for your faithfulness and never ending love for me. Thank you to my family for always believing in me and allowing me to dream BIG in Gods eyes. Thank you to my beautiful sister, without her my life wouldn't be complete. Thank you to my nica family and Africa family for sharing your lives with me. Thank you to my many friends and my amazing gymnasts for your endless love and prayers.
Looking forward to being a part of another God journey, another love story, another chapter in this beautiful life God has blessed me with.
Much love and many blessings friends,
Meghann