Growing up, I never was in need of anything. I was blessed to be born into a wealthy, loving, family who happened to live in the United States of America. I grew up taking everything I had for granted. Education was simply something that was required and expected. Meals were never scarce. Money was never a problem. I have never given a thought to the abundance amount of clothes that hang in my closet or the 20 pairs of shoes I must own. Running water, flushing toilets, and electricity never once crossed my mind growing up, becoming a teenager and later moving out and going to college.
As a college girl, life seemed to have a few more responsibilities; paying my rent on time, buying groceries, and attending my college classes. But still a sense of ENTITLEMENT plagued my seemingly dead to the rest of the world body. My college scholarship was earned by who? ME. I had put in grueling and countless hours of hard work into getting a gymnastics scholarship. Surely, I was owed everything that had been given to me. And what did this worldly attitude provide me? Nothing but a indifferent life style that left me feeling small, empty, and unfulfilled.
My attitude revolved solely on my small, insignificant kingdom I had built around myself; everything centered on my gymnastics career, the athlete boyfriend I had to have, and the many so called "Friends" I had in order for me to experience happiness and joy. Yet, as time passed by, the emptiness always came back. The longing feeling I had to want a life that was fulfilling always seemed to be close by, yet somehow so far out of reach.
Have you ever felt this? I am sure most of you know what I am talking about. I tried to create a fulfilling life for myself. I was driven and hardworking. The goals I set for myself seemed to be good ones; earning my degree in hopes to be a University Athletic Director, getting married, having children, etc. Yet, my pursuit of these dreams I had for myself never gave me full satisfaction. I wasn't sure what was wrong with me. Why wasn't I happy? Didn't I have everything I would ever want or desire? My school was paid for, I was treated with the utmost respect being an athlete, I had what seemed be a decent relationship with a like-minded man, and I had love and support from my family and friends.
Still, I knew something needed to change. I felt it at the core of my very being. My heart longed and ached for something more, yet I couldn't put my finger on what was missing. I believed I had given my life to God, yet my actions were not showing that I even knew Him or was a friend of Jesus'. I told myself I was a Christian, yet nothing about my lifestyle made others believe I was Jesus' follower. My eyes were blinded, a veil covered my face, and ultimately I was living in a dark world plagued by my selfish life style. I considered myself to be a good person. I was devoted to my boyfriend, my friends, and my family. I didn't cheat, lie, or steal. I worked hard in my classes and in gymnastics, but every single part of my daily routine was solely done for myself. I did everything for me, never going out of my way or out of my comfort zone to do anything for anybody else. Sure, I would buy my friends birthday gifts, send my parents cards to express my love and appreciation for them, yet I never gave until it hurt, I was glorifying myself in all of my actions.
My small Kingdom I had grown to gradually build up around me over the 21 years of life I had lived came tumbling down in the blink of an eye when gymnastics and my fiancé were stripped away from me. Everything in my life seemed to be spiraling down, and I had no control of anything. I was lost, hurt, and filled with anger as everything I had worked so hard for came crashing down and was gone in an instant. I hit rock bottom, and finally was able to see that God was waiting there at the bottom, as My Rock, for me to finally confront him and give Him free reign over my life. But in my darkest days, I was able to rely not on myself, but on God to bring me to true life, true happiness, and true joy.Gone are the days that my life is defined by being a gymnast. God has revealed himself to me, and I am now defined and known as a woman after God's own heart. I see now how broken this world is, and I have seen Jesus in the children and people of Nicaragua and Africa. God has mended my broken heart with the giving of my heart, piece by piece, away to the less fortunate, the poor, and the orphans of this world. God is my comfort and strength in my times of need. I have finally confronted my worldly heart and I have asked God to transform it into the heart that He has always wanted me to have. I now realize that I needed the Holy Spirit to change me and the Scriptures to renew my mind so I wouldn't conform to the world any longer.
Christ didn't scramble to elevate his position in the world. Instead He willingly moved downward-- far, far downward. And not only did he assume the lowest position, he placed special value on those around him who were also in the lowest positions; the widows and orphans of this world.
I can't thank God enough for this continual faith in me. I have a long way to go, but I thank God that He is revealing himself more and more every day. He is teaching me what it means to put Him at the top of life, deny myself daily, and take up the cross instead. I can't wait to show His love and share His love to those in Africa in just a few weeks. I can see the children now, their faces bearing the image of Jesus.
I praise God for using each and everyone of you, helping me to be the woman I am today, planting seeds, saying prayers, and offering love and financial support as I embark on this amazing new life God has given me.
I am honored to go and be the hands and feet of Jesus to those who need love and affection. These people, the children in these pictures, have saved my life, and brought me to the feet of Jesus, and I can't thank them enough for showing me who Jesus really is and that I have a forever friend in Him.
Blessings and Love to you all,
Meghann
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